There’s Safety In Anonymity

But I’m also a coward.

I spent a good portion of my day off Monday playing with my Medium profile and trying to erase anything that explicitly offers clues to who I am. Probably pointless; I’ve been writing under my own name here for a couple years now and probably more people I know are aware of that than I know of.

I’ve never even wanted to write under a pseudonym.

Hello. My name is (not) Eudora Georgina, and I’m glad you’re (still) here.

All my life, I’ve wanted to be a novelist under no other name than my own. I dreamed of holding a book I’d written and looking at my name printed on the cover. I still dream of that.

But Medium is not a novel; like most everyone else I read on this site, my Medium page is a collection of essays about me and my life.

That’s what makes it dangerous.

I never worried about my family finding these essays I write; with some of the things I write about, I think it might even be easier if they read my essays and then confront me, rather than my having to admit any of it out loud.

I might be too much of a coward to say any of it out loud, but there’s nothing I’ve published here that I wouldn’t stand behind.

Part of me worries a tiny bit more about my employer finding something wrong with my essays and firing me for it. It’s an unlikely outcome, I think, but I’m a journalist and even though my Medium articles are entirely separate from my job, I’m still a representative of the news outlet I work for, and so even anything I write not as a representative could be misconstrued as representing that news outlet.

Again, I don’t think that’s incredibly likely…but it could happen. So that’s enough for me.

I’m not ashamed of anything I write here. I might be too much of a coward to say it out loud, which is why I write it down, but there’s nothing published on my Medium profile that I wouldn’t stand behind.

My Medium page is a collection of essays about me and my life.

Is any of it worth potentially losing my job over?

I’d like to say yes. But I have a family to think about, too.

Is any of it worth losing friendships or family relationships over?

Yes.

(How screwed up are my priorities that I’m more willing to risk friends and family — not my husband, however — than my job?)

That’s not the point, though. I chose to reinvent myself because it offers the illusion of safety, though I know it may be nothing more than that — an illusion. Nothing else is different. I’m still the same writer, writing with the same voice, about the same things.

Hello. My name is (not) Eudora Georgina, and I’m glad you’re (still) here.

I like to write things that make people uncomfortable.

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